Dear Kelli,

I love my wife, I really really do but after 7 years of marriage sex has gotten boring.   Any suggestions on some different type of sex positions we can try? Please keep in mind however neither my wife nor myself are overly adventurous so having sex outside or upside down probably isn’t for us but even still there has to be something different we can try.  Can you help?

Well I’m no expert by any means but I can give you a few suggestions that you and your wife can try.  However in addition I also suggest you try a few other things such as the communication game.  Basically this is where you both get completely naked and lay down on the bed and while being blindfolded she tells you verbally where she wants your hands to go and what she wants you to do.   Neither of you can see and you will be totally dependent on verbal communication to satisfy the other.  You much each spend exactly 10 minutes on each other.  You can use a kitchen egg timer to count down the time but basically at the end of 10 minutes, you switch and she does you.  It’s very important that during this process you listen and let her by verbal and then when it is your turn she listens and you speak.  You will find it’s not easy to verbalize what makes you happy but in doing so you will be more sexually gratified.

Now as far as sexual positions go, how about fucking the flag pole?  Sometimes it can be confusing to try and figure out how these positions work so I am not only going to include written instructions of the position but also a clip from various movies as visual examples.  Here is Amber Peach in a scene from the movie Nameless starring the one and only Lanny Barby.  In this scene Amber Peach is being fucked in the Flag pole position.

To do the flag pole position, the woman lies on her side, one leg straight out, the other stretched up towards the sky, like a flag pole (hence the name). The man straddles her leg and fucks her while holding her other leg up (like you are holding on to the flag pole).

Here we have what is commonly called the reverse cowgirl. In the video example we Brooke from the movie Take My Wife starring Nina Mercedez.  This position can be done on a bed or in a chair or on the couch as in this vide sample.  It is not the easiest position to get yourself into but when you do it can be very intense for the female, in a wonderous way and for the male, he gets to enjoy the deep penetration.

So to get into this position the man either lays on his back with his knees up or he sits on the coach or a very oversized chair.  The female would sit on his lap but in reverse so instead of facing him, her back is to him.  She can use his knees to help position herself or even the arms of the chair or the couch, whatever is most comfortable for her.

This last position is called, the chair and as one would expect it is done while the female sits in a chair.  The sample video clip comes from the movie Cam Hoes 2.

As you see in the video sample the female sits in the chair with her legs pressed against the man’s chest.  This is a very complicated position to get into and maintain but it is unique and offers the lovers something different and unique and that is what you asked for.   So do enjoy.  Just remember the most important part of sex isn’t what position you are in that is new and different but what feels good for both you and your partner.  My favorite position of all has always been doggie.  It’s been done to death, it’s old school but it feels oh so good and that’s all that matters to me.

Dear Kelli,

Since you know so much about porn stars, who would you say is the most famous porn star of them all? Is this something that changes often and what makes her the most famous? Is it based on how many movies she sales or how big her website is? I am a huge fan of several porn stars and I would love to know what an industry insider thinks about them.

I just so happen to know the answer to your question because besides this website, I also happen to run one in which I compile popularity data about porn stars. I actually started the website because like yourself, many fans over the years have asked me this very questions. They love their favorite stars and they tend to want to know just how famous they are. This website I speak of is called the Fame Registry.  Basically each month I compile a bunch of data from various websites to make up a list of who’s hot and who’s not.

It’s a very complicated process so let me try and explain.  Previously there was no real scientific method of computing fame for porn stars.  Some would try and base it on # of awards won or who was in the best selling movies of the year or whose website has the most members and some people just pulled answers out of their ass.  I was actually reading a magazine who each year compiled a list of their top 100 and it was then I realized that these so called legitimate news sources really were just making it up because they had no real way to know.

So that is when I got to work.  I started out with about 40 names of porn stars.  I literally just pulled them from box covers of recent movies released.  From there I wrote down their official website and Myspace pages.  I first decided to see out of all those pornstars, whose website had the most traffic so I went over to Alexa and ran those numbers.  Next I went through this huge list of awards dating back to the 1980’s and gathered the name of every award that these porn stars have won.  I decided I would track three different types of awards which were AVN awards, F.A.M.E. and XRCO.    This is about the time I complied the first report and based on just that data it gave me a pretty good idea of who was hotter than who but I didn’t want to stop there.  Next I used a source of information that told me how many times each month people used search engines to search for a porn star’s name.  I mean what better way to determine how popular a porn star was than to see how many times each month fans would search for them on the Internet.  Next I wrote down each time each of those stars appeared in Penthouse.  Being chosen to be in a major publication like Penthouse over the other girls surely was a good indicator of fame so then later I expanded it to also include the magazines Hustler and Genesis.

Next I went over to my favorite search engine, Google and Google’d every one of their names.  I wrote down the number of websites that their name appeared in.  This number is known as the Google Keyword Frequency.  Then I decided to see what the cyberspace value of their name would be if their name was a dot com since there was a huge industry that built up over night in the buying and selling of domain names.  So I valued each porn star’s name as in FirstNameLastName.com.   I also through in a report for the Oveture rating for each porn star name.  OVT ratings help value the popularity of keywords that make up a domain names so I figured by that same logic, it could help value the popularity of a porn star’s name.  The final step was MySpace.  I visited each of their MySpace pages and found out how many friends each of them had.   I complied all of this data to make up a huge list of who is more famous than the next. Eventually I expanded the list to include about 100 more porn stars and will continue to add names over time as more and more new girls enter the industry.

Since this list used a variety of sources of data, we weren’t dependent on any one value to determine popularity.  It wasn’t just who had the most awards or who was on the cover of the most magazines but a combination of all of those factors and I think that is the best way to determine who the most famous porn star is. As of December 1, 2008 that is …..

1. Tera Patrick    (last month #1)
2. Jenna Haze    (last month #2)
3. Jesse Jane    (last month #4)
4. Briana Banks (last month #3)
5. Mary Carey    (last month #7)
6. Eva Angelina    (last month #8)
7. Brittney Skye    (last month #12)
8. Belladonna    (last month #6)
9. Sunny Leone (last month #15)
10. Taylor Rain    (last month #5)

Dear Kelli,

My wife has never been a fan of porno movies and a co-worker suggested that I try a “really good one” that if I found one that is of high quality, she might actually get more into them. The problem is, he couldn’t exactly come up with the names of any. I was hoping you could help with that.

Your friend has the right idea. Men and women are very different in what turns us on and most adult movies are made for men. I would suggest a movie like Pirates. This is an award winning movie with beautiful girls and a decent plot. You might also check out Janine Loves Jenna. This is another one of those big budget productions that won a lot of awards.

A few other tips to keep in mind … if she is into watching the movie, let her watch it. Take things slow and go at HER pace, not your own. Let her make the first moves.

Dear Kelli,

I work at a small company where everyone is pretty open minded and we love to exchange fun and sometimes naughty little gifts on holidays. Lately it seems more than before I am the person put in charge of buying these toys and goodies and I was curious if you had any advice for me. We don’t really want to spend a lot of money either.

Giving great gag gifts is a great way to get noticed in some cases in a good way and in other ways, very badly. Be VERY sure that you don’t cross the line of what is and isn’t acceptable in your professional office environment for gift giving.

The number one office gift has to be Weenie Babies like Randy The Raccoon. The are cute little stuffed animals with an over sized penis. They vary in price depending on which one and size you get from like $12.95 to $24.95. If you are having a party to go with the gag gift giving event, then be sure and check out the penis straw.

Dear Kelli,

I’m looking for an erotic gift for my girlfriend without it coming across as cheap and sleazy. She’s fairly young and hip. She’s over 18 not to worry, but I’m a tad older and not so hip anymore and not up on the latest trends. She’s very open minded and loves to try new things. Any suggestions?

I have the perfect gift for you to get her. It’s a new little toy called The iBuzz. I just got one myself and love it! It says it is compatible with any MP3 player, but used it with my iPod and OH MY GOD! It basically is a high tech, modern day vibrator that has some amazing vibration patterns that go with the music.

Actually just thinking about this while I am telling you is making me turned on again. I wished I had it at work because I would sure be using it right now. Sadly however it’s at home though so I will have to wait.

Since this gift is for your girlfriend, while you are at it, be sure and pick her up a Vinnie the Stallion. Girls love Weenie Babies. They are so cute. Anyone I’ve ever gotten one for just dies over it! It’s probably the one gift I give most often.

Dear Kelli,

I want to get my husband a blow up doll for his birthday. He’s the kind of man who has everything and I think he would just love this. I bought one on clearance at some sex store and it was a piece of crap. Admittedly I only paid $7 for it but there just has to be something better. I was searching the Internet for one when I came across your site and seen you took questions. Any advice on this matter would be greatly appreciated.

Well I can’t say this is a common question I get but it should be. Being in a relationship shouldn’t be so serious and boring and it sounds like to me that you and your husband have a great relationship because you know how to have fun. About two years ago I bought a blow up doll for a friend. I love Chasey Lain. I think she is so amazingly sexy and when her doll came out I thought it would be a great gift for this guy I know who I needed to get a great gift for. The Chasey Lain Blow Up Doll was the perfect answer for me. I admit it was a tad on the pricey side but it is the best blow up doll out there.

Actually I bought this as a high priced gag gift and only as a joke. I didn’t think about him actually putting it to use. If you knew this guy you wouldn’t see why. He’s very much on the straight and narrow. A sweet guy that’s just way to serious for his own good. But turns out the doll is very life like and he actually used it and loved it.

If you are looking for a middle ground … not to cheap as to be tacky but still affordable, what do you think about Tawny Roberts? She has a blow up doll that isn’t so bad and it’s way, way better priced. The Tawny Roberts Blow Up Doll is an affordable solution for some.

For those really well to do people there is the Hustler Virtual Girl. This doll is the most expensive sex toy I’ve ever seen. It is a life sized non inflatable virtual sex doll. It even comes with Ultra-soft rubber lips for kissing and deep throat for other oral pleasures. Now that’s one hell of a doll.

Dear Kelli,

I was watching a movie the other day and it was talking about the Love Swing. I’ve heard that several times in the past but never was really quite sure what the hell it was. Care to explain?

The infamous Love Swing came out many years ago and was intended to spice up your sex life by offering alternatives to the normal sexual positions one woudl get if having sex in just a bed.

Technically speaking, it is a fully adjustable sex harness that basically puts you in some unique positions that are not only great for regular sex but also for oral sex especially the male giving the female kind. Something about the way the swing positions you enhances the experience.

I admit I only had one opportunity to use one, but it was really great sex when I did. I’ve always been able to come easily and multiple times but with the sex swing I noticed that I came rather quicker than normal and more often than normal, especially when we did the sort of doggie style version.

So in answer to your question, it’s a harness built for sex. It’s kind of like a swing, which is where it got the name. It hangs from the ceiling, and although it takes some getting used to at first, can really provide you and your lover and amazingly night of sex. If you have an opportunity to use one, I would without a doubt suggest it.

Dear Kelli,

Let’s be real here … does size REALLY matter and what is average? I’m about 5 inches or just a tad over and someone told me I was above average. Is that true? I can’t imagine that is really the case.

That’s a very good question and the answer very much depends on who you are asking. If you are asking another man, then you will pretty much always get the answer “yes, it matters”. But with women, not so much. Survey after survey will show that when asked, girls say size doesn’t really matter to them. But I don’t tend to trust those survives so much so I did my own digging and asked the girls I know.

Believe it or not, most of us don’t whip out a tape measure and figure out how big your cock is … unless you ask us to of course! But for the most part, we don’t really care. Experts tell us the average size is 3 to 4 inches, but most girls I know admit they wouldn’t know the difference between 3 and 5 inches. They just don’t pay that much attention. The only time they might notice something like that is if the guy was really big or really small.

Their answers got me curious though so I called them back and ask 11 girls the same set of questions. First I asked if they knew what the experts considered the average size penis to be. None of them knew. Truth is, I’ve been in the adult industry for 11 years and had i not looked it up I wouldn’t have known either.

Next I asked them what size they thought their lovers penis was fully erect. For the most part they all answered 4 to 5 inches. Which is funny because either everyone I know has a boyfriend with the same sized penis or girls just really don’t know. One said 2 to 3 inches and another said her lover was 10 inches or so. I then sent them on a mission to measure it and find out the real answer. The girl who thought her boyfriends penis might be 2 or 3 inches was surprised to learn that in fact he was 6 inches. This is considered well above average.

The girl who thought her husband had 10 or so inches was really shocked to find out she doesn’t have a clue how big 10 inches is because in fact his penis was only 4 1/2 inches, however still well within average range.

And what about the 8 girls who reported the 4 to 5 inches? None of them were right either. The ranges were typically about 1 inch off either way (bigger or smaller) except for one who’s boyfriends penis turned out to be almost 7 inches long. We’ll all be dreaming of him now! But seriously … what this proved is that girls really just don’t care about size when you are in the average range. The only time it really matters is if you are super small (less than 3 inches) or super large (more than 8 inches). One girl said it best when she responded “A big cock does not guarantee sexual satisfaction so what the hell do I care how big it is? I want to know if he can use it!” And that’s true.

Now if your penis isn’t what you want it to be there are those herbal enhancers that basically make your penis harder and that somewhat increases the size and greatly increases her sexual satisfaction. Actually they are good for people of all sizes … well unless you are a little large in the first place, you don’t want to hurt your lady now do you? I had my boyfriend use them before and he’s about 6 inches and it was great. Best sex we ever had.

Dear Kelli,

I hear alot of about those Heated Lubes and I was curious if you could tell me if they are really all that.

Almost every brand of lubrication nowadays has the heated version. I personally like the up the Astroglide Warming Liquid but to be quite honest with you, there is really not that much difference between them. The product actually first came out many, many years ago and only recently got popular.

What they do is, they provide a water based lubrication like normal but the more rubbing going on, you start to get a soft, warming sensation. When they first came out they were promoted as a product to help a man not come as quick but what they didn’t realize is that there is something else the lubrication does and that is to help the female come quicker and sometimes more often. Women who had never had more than one orgasm in the past are all of the sudden reporting two and three!

Is it really that great? To me, yes. I love it but not every time. For the most part I use my Astroglide Warming Liquid about once a month, maybe twice. I like to switch things up. Some times I like Body Glide Gell or my favorite stand by which I actually use most often is the big banana motion lotion. My boyfriend and I like to be creative. We like to mix things up and by alternating lotions, that is one way we do it.